It's All About Love!

What is life REALLY all about? It's all about love!

But what does this mean?

Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, but as we grow up we need to shift our focus from being loved to being loving. When we do not shift our focus, we end up missing out on what life is all about.

Being loving is about supporting our own and others highest good with kindness, caring, understanding, and compassion.

WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES, WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS

Contrary to what many people believe, being loving to ourselves is not at all about being selfish. Being loving to ourselves means that we are taking full responsibility for our own feelings and needs so that we are not needy, selfish, and demanding of others to do this for us. It is when we are not loving ourselves that we selfishly make others responsible for giving to us the love that we are not giving to ourselves, and try to have control over getting their love.

Being loving to ourselves never means that we disregard others' feelings and needs. It doesn’t mean that we ignore the effect our behavior has on others. We are being selfish rather than loving when we do not consider the consequences of our actions on others.

At the same time, being loving to ourselves means that we do not allow someone's needy and demanding behavior to determine our choices. For example, if you want to do something that is important to you and your partner is angry because he or she wants you to attend to him or her rather than do what brings you joy, it is your partner who is being selfish by not supporting what brings you joy. By doing what truly brings you joy, you are not only being loving to yourself, you are also being loving to your partner by giving him or her an opportunity to learn and grow into being a more loving, supportive, personally responsible person. If you give in and do not do what brings you joy, you are not only abandoning yourself, you are robbing your partner of growing opportunities. This is not loving.

WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS, WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES

It is not loving to ourselves to be unloving to others - to be harsh, blaming, angry, judgmental, mean, or unkind. We can never feel happy with ourselves when we are treating others in unkind ways.

Being loving to others means being kind, understanding, compassionate, empathic, supportive, and open to learning about their feelings and beliefs. It does NOT mean that we take responsibility for their feelings and needs. We can care about their feelings and needs, and care about the effects our behavior has on them, without taking responsibility for how they are treating themselves and what they are telling themselves that are causing their own distress.

When loving others, we have to accept that it is their own treatment of themselves and their own beliefs that cause their pain, not our choices. We enable others rather than love them when we take responsibility for their happiness and pain. The challenge here is to care about others' feelings and needs without taking responsibility for them.

When we care about and take responsibility for our own pain and joy, and compassionately care about others pain and joy without taking responsibility for them, we are being loving to ourselves and others. Learning to do this is what life is all about!

About Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.

7 Signs That You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be harder to identify, because emotionally abusive tendencies can slowly creep into a relationship in the form of unhealthy patterns. Emotionally abusive partners seek to manipulate you. They often don't want to hurt you, but they're controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful.

Here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:

* You feel that you can't express yourself freely with your partner, or you have to "walk on eggshells."

* Your partner frequently express jealousy, and keeps you from engaging in normal interactions with the opposite sex

* Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you, or undermines your self-esteem

* Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship

* You caught your partner monitoring your email or internet usage

* Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you "betrayed" or left him or her

* Your partner implies that if you were to leave, he or she may commit suicide or engage in other self-harm

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but simply point to some of the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point -- threats of suicide -- it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially trying to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.

Emotional Abuse: 7 Signs That You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out, and you need to do it fast. Even if it never escalates to physical abuse, emotionally abusive relationships can be damaging, possibly leading to stress, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

Everyone is entitled to a relationship where they are accepted and supported. Relationships should lift you up, not bring you down. They should be a refuge from the hardships of the world; they shouldn’t be a source of constant struggle for one or both partners.

It's common for both women and men to be victims of emotional abuse. Often, men are not comfortable of thinking of themselves as victims – it can feel like admitting to being less of a man. Men sometimes don’t like to admit that things are out of control, or that they can’t “handle” their partner. It can be hard to a man’s ego to seek out help in the form of a counselor or relationship literature.

If you are a man feeling stuck in a relationship that may be emotionally abusive partner, I wrote a manual with one goal in mind: to help you break-up and get on with your life. It can be very difficult to leave a relationship when you feel responsible for your partner and fear for her well-being -- I cover how to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible

About Michael Freeman, M.A.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com

Secret to Make Your Ex Return Your Call

I have been thinking about this...

Are there really magic words that anyone can use? Can you actually use some words to make your ex to return your phone calls or text messages?

I have heard it a lot. Words are powerful! Yes If then, then there must be.

So I got cranking.

You have just separated. Your ex still hurts. You feel it was a mistake. You still love her.
It is as if the sleep can not come to your eyes. You have got to get her back as soon as possible.

Then you pick up your phone to call.

She is not there to pick up the call or it is either she does not want to speak to you at least for now. The phone is ringing. Soon it will enter into voice.

You are thinking, what I say. At least it has to be so strong to make her want to forget and call you back.

Okay let us try to look at some of the things we can say.

Here we go!

There are two factors that play important parts in our lives. Put that to maximum use here. There are namely Curiosity and what I call personal or Self Interest.

Remember curiosity killed the cat! Then there is the first law of preservation - self interest.

These two factors applied together always work like magic. Do not just use one, but apply the two for maximum effect.

Now instead of just calling and leaving a message like this “Hi Jane, please, please call me. This is the forth or fifth time that I am calling you. Why are you being stubborn?"

Do you think an ex will return a call like this? No, makes here more furious.

Let us look at another scenario. You leave a message for your ex which runs like this "Hi Jane, it is me. I have to talk to you. It is important. Do not fail" You are issuing a command. Maybe this was the very attitude that put her off in the first place.

Now let us look at how this could have been done.

You know that voice tone that she wants you to use when you were together. That is the tone to use now.

In that tone you leave a message like this "Hi Jane, I want you to know that I appreciate what you did for me the other time. Call me back as I want to say thank you
properly"

A message like this can make anyone curious. If she still feels anything for you, she may just decide to call you and hear what you have to say.

I have to emphasis at this stage that getting her to call you is not the all in all. You have got to know what to say and how to say it or you may ruin everything forever.

So try to get a few books on relationships, do a little research on the female behavioral pattern before actually using the technique I just mentioned.

There are a few powerful e-books on clickbank.com

Do a little search online. With this, I think you will be okay and get back the love life you always wanted with your lover.

• About Okereke U

====== Okereke U is s a relationship expert who like to write on the affairs of the heart. He has written a lot of useful articles on the magic of making up. He writes on how to rebuild that bridge and keep the relationship strong. If you like his article "How to get an Ex back"

Break Up Advice

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties. Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.

• Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.
• Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.
• Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.
• Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.
• Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

Humor as a Relationship Strategy

Many times arguments appear silly once emotions have died down. Sometimes we can’t even remember what started the fight or why we got so upset. In the heat of the moment, however, we tend to take the situation very seriously. Successful relationships develop the ability to take a light approach to conflicts. Recognizing that arguments are inevitable and normal versus catastrophic is helpful. One way to do this is to practice taking a step back when involved in a dispute. See if you can view your contribution to the situation with a sense of humor. Perhaps you can even laugh at yourself. This can interrupt getting stuck in a defensive stance. This in turn allows logic to resume. You will also be more open and responsive to your partner’s feelings. This approach can help couples that are struggling as well as strengthen healthy relationships.

Ex Girlfriend Has a New Boyfriend - How to Get Rid of the New Guy

You just learned that your ex girlfriend has a new boyfriend and now you realize that you still love her. You want to get her back but it is not going to be easy. Why? She seems really happy with the new guy!

As you read this article you will find out how to get your ex girlfriend back even when she looks happy with her new boyfriend.

What should you do when your ex girlfriend is already dating another guy? We all know that rebound relationships can keep some people forget or skip bitter emotions that comes with breaking up. They are used to help broken hearts recover and move on.

If you think she is on a rebound relationship this only means that she still has deep feelings for you. And now she is in the process of emotionally escaping from what she truly feels. It is not important why you have broken up or who's fault the separation was.

Right now, what matters is that you still love each other. Remember, only relationships built and forged by true love can be saved. This will help keep your hopes up in trying to get her back.

Your girlfriend will try to do everything to forget you. If you are "goody-good guy" type, her new boyfriend probably is the "bad boy" kind of guy. She will try to be with someone who is entirely different from the kind of guy you are.

When this happens, it certainly will be in your favor. She may unconsciously be thinking of you and focuses her attention on you when she is with the other guy. And, it gives her a chance to figure out what she really wants and searches for.

You should also realize that she is doing this because she is "wanting" and missing something in your relationship. You can use the time she's with her rebound guy to improve yourself, your character and be suitable to whatever she is looking for.

Don't worry, she will not forget all about you. On the contrary, as she spends more time with this new guy she will start to notice his "unlikeble" characteristics. This in turn will start to make you look pretty good.

That's why it is important for you to remember not to crawl back to her right away. Let her miss you. The good side and even the bad side of you.

When your ex girlfriend starts to show any signs that she is interested to getting back with you, show her warmth in welcoming her back. This is exactly what you should do if you really want to get your ex girlfriend back from her new boyfriend.

To summarize, here are the steps you should take:

1. Do not try to convince her that she is better off without the other guy and you are the love of her life. Let her find true love on her own.

2. Say sorry for whatever you have done and mean it. After that, there is no need to apologize repeatedly.

3. Never make false promises that you will change according to what she wants. You are who you are and that's the reason why she fell in love with you. But don't forget that it is always better to have room for being a better person than who you are.

4. Never lose your self-respect. Simply put, definitely "NO" begging and pleading just to get her back. Never ask her if she wants to come back to you. Let her make the first move.

5. Don't despair and lose hope. The rebound relationship she is in right now is just a sign that there is actually hope. It is her way of trying to get over you and let go of the painful feelings that resulted from your break up.

About Aileen Aragon

Learn these "how to get my ex girlfriend back" tactics now if you want to avoid the same fatal mistakes most guys make. Visit How To Get Your Girlfriend Back at KeyToGetExBack.com today!